don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
