My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
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