the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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