it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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