if i can run in heels then i can drive
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
