y did u give ur computer a hand job?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
