Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
