Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
