Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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