Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
