how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
whose parrot is this?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
