I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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