there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
