I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
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Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
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I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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