It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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