i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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