he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
