so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
