Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
