I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
