what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
