i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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