Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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