I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
