i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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