I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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