I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
