I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
