I CAN MOONWALK!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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