So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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