my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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