She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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