Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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