i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
