I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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