also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
