Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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