Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
