ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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