I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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