OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The Olympian is in my bed
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
