i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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