Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
