nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
