This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
