i was rollin on her like bob the builder
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
