She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
