i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
