I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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