I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
