try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
