He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
