oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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