Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
