Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
