Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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