He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
