You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
