I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
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Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
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I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
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Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
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