...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
