I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the day after is always just damage control
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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