Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
