I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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