We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
