while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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