At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
