Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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