THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
even my farts smell like vagina
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
