It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
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oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
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The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with