alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her