just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.