Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me

(224): View more from Illinois

RUN RUN RUN RUN

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(516): View more from New York

All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.

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(972): View more from Texas

You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"

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(937): View more from Ohio

He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.

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21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(203): View more from Connecticut

yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

when did we get a doorman?

(203): View more from Connecticut

we were also in the wrong building...

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(732): View more from New Jersey

you tipped EVERY employee at white castle

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.

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(937): View more from Ohio

whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes

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