I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes