Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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