We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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