Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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