we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
