Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
