He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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