Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
