he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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