Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I seem to have left my pride at pride
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
