i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm passing your future prison.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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