i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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