I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
